By definition in the New Oxford American Dictionary, enigmatic means: difficult to interpret or understand; mysterious.
Having no topic in mind when I started writing this I came about choosing a word of the day from my iphone and this is what popped up.
When I read this word, Enigmatic /e/nig/mat/ik/ what really comes to mind is life. Life is the most enigmatic of all. It is without rhyme or reason to the conscious mind, but damned if we don't TRY to figure, explain, reason, justify it as best we can. But why is that?
Isn't that what makes life so beautiful is its mystery? Aren't the greatest most joyous surprises the ones we can't possibly think of ourselves? Maybe not for everyone but that is, at least for me, what I find to be of the greatest joy.
I'll admit there is satisfaction to figuring something out logically, proving to myself I CAN do something. I feel competent when I do. But there is also a lacking, it is only surface deep.
When I allow myself to go beyond that need to know place, to sit with, no matter how uncomfortable a feel something else happens entirely. Something Enigmatic by my minds frame of reference as well as my bodies, it is something so much more!
In that place it is deep, vast, limitless, soft, enlivening and always changing. Each time I experience from that place something new arises and meets/greets me there. And albeit a little scary, never knowing what may come, it is always wonderful.
Even now my mind wants to get this perfect/right. It wants to clarify for you, whomever YOU may be to let you know, because I have experienced this time and time again and I want to be crystal clear about what those uncomfortable moments are so that hopefully that you may find some truth in it as well; I have to add that the truly uncomfortable and at sometimes painful thing is not the feel, though my true feels can be of hurt or discomfort, but the ones that make me squirm are not feelings at all they are that fight, that pure survival instinct to hold on. To hold on as tight as I can to what I know from my minds eyes. ( Can you feel the difference in my writing?)
How do I know this? I have experienced it. To be in that survival place well there is no space, there is only tension and self doubt and lack of trust. My whole body fills with tension and I either want to shoot someone, or club them to death, or I want to run for my life! That is how I know I am in that space.
But even that space I am coming to love, but not always, sometimes I want to kill that part of myself as well. And when I hate it I hate it with a vengeance, a passion, like no other. And that feels good too to a certain extent until it depletes all my energy. Truthfully to be in that place or fight with that place is exhausting.
And see what a tangent Ive gone off on....It is ever on going. If you let it.
But as I was saying, the beauty in the enigma that is life is that it is completely unknown.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Show Up
On Tuesdays for the past three weeks I have had the privilege to work with a truly open and energetically sensitive little boy, age 6. For privacy sake lets just call him Bo.
Since this is the first blog I'll bore you only temporarily with a little bit of background.
I should mention that by profession I work one-on-one with children with the Diagnosis of being on the Autistic Spectrum as a BII (Behavioral Intervention I-I forget what the last stands for... as the typical professional world would like to call us). But truly I work on an energetic and intuitive level with these children.
Some say the growing influx of Autists are do to the over processed foods, some the sensitivity to the vaccines-which in my belief actually cause the body to get sick and therefore need drugs the government develops...but that's another story...I however believe the children who are coming into this world now are Super Sensitive, highly advance beings-downloaded with the latest genetic codes to benefit the worlds growth and help awaken its consciousness, some might say Indigo Children.
At any rate whatever you believe this makes these super bright loving children sensitive to everyone and every thing...And Bo, well he's way up there. I have never experienced anyone quite like him. He definitely thinks outside the box, but from the other space or another dimension it seems I have received self lessons, huge side splitting laughs, and lots and lots of love!
Like most 6 year old boys he's super active-we spend almost half our two hour sessions on a huge trampoline ( smiles...), but unlike most I know his favorite color is Pink (did you know that the color pink represents Unconditional love) well that he is, a ball of Unconditional Love. Coincidence I think not.
Bo is my little angel he reflects back to me my energy and moods I come in with. And there's no pretending with these little ones. The more you try and stuff all your "Stuff" down the less they responds to you.
And this is where I'd truly like to start. When you show up and are present(all "Stuff" laid out on the table), no matter in how awful a mood (well just as long as you are no Jack the Ripper..but hopefully you get my point, these kids show up for you too. If you accept you, they will too.
I mean come on, do you like your time wasted by someone who is too busy thinking about the traffic they are going to have to sit in, or what's for dinner, or the fact that there is a bazillion things they hadn't gotten to that day. I know I don't. It makes me feel like I'm not important, it may be a bit selfish, but I think it is a "Selfwish" when I say, I want to be with people who want to be with me, even if they are in a down right pisser of a mood.
More than anything I have come to find in common with all these children is that being present, just there for them, right at that moment is what they desire. Easier said than done I know.... But when you are present with yourself, these children shift immensely, and it is like a vail or shroud has been lifted. They become clearer, in their eyes, speech(if verbal), movement, and what I love most is they engage with you.
This blog is the first as I've mentioned and in the upcoming ones I promise more stories and less lecture. But if there is anything you have questions about or would like me to elaborate on in the future I will be more than happy to address it.
Until next time...enjoy your little ones!
Since this is the first blog I'll bore you only temporarily with a little bit of background.
I should mention that by profession I work one-on-one with children with the Diagnosis of being on the Autistic Spectrum as a BII (Behavioral Intervention I-I forget what the last stands for... as the typical professional world would like to call us). But truly I work on an energetic and intuitive level with these children.
Some say the growing influx of Autists are do to the over processed foods, some the sensitivity to the vaccines-which in my belief actually cause the body to get sick and therefore need drugs the government develops...but that's another story...I however believe the children who are coming into this world now are Super Sensitive, highly advance beings-downloaded with the latest genetic codes to benefit the worlds growth and help awaken its consciousness, some might say Indigo Children.
At any rate whatever you believe this makes these super bright loving children sensitive to everyone and every thing...And Bo, well he's way up there. I have never experienced anyone quite like him. He definitely thinks outside the box, but from the other space or another dimension it seems I have received self lessons, huge side splitting laughs, and lots and lots of love!
Like most 6 year old boys he's super active-we spend almost half our two hour sessions on a huge trampoline ( smiles...), but unlike most I know his favorite color is Pink (did you know that the color pink represents Unconditional love) well that he is, a ball of Unconditional Love. Coincidence I think not.
Bo is my little angel he reflects back to me my energy and moods I come in with. And there's no pretending with these little ones. The more you try and stuff all your "Stuff" down the less they responds to you.
And this is where I'd truly like to start. When you show up and are present(all "Stuff" laid out on the table), no matter in how awful a mood (well just as long as you are no Jack the Ripper..but hopefully you get my point, these kids show up for you too. If you accept you, they will too.
I mean come on, do you like your time wasted by someone who is too busy thinking about the traffic they are going to have to sit in, or what's for dinner, or the fact that there is a bazillion things they hadn't gotten to that day. I know I don't. It makes me feel like I'm not important, it may be a bit selfish, but I think it is a "Selfwish" when I say, I want to be with people who want to be with me, even if they are in a down right pisser of a mood.
More than anything I have come to find in common with all these children is that being present, just there for them, right at that moment is what they desire. Easier said than done I know.... But when you are present with yourself, these children shift immensely, and it is like a vail or shroud has been lifted. They become clearer, in their eyes, speech(if verbal), movement, and what I love most is they engage with you.
This blog is the first as I've mentioned and in the upcoming ones I promise more stories and less lecture. But if there is anything you have questions about or would like me to elaborate on in the future I will be more than happy to address it.
Until next time...enjoy your little ones!
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